happy dolls

The new year started for me with a tired head, drippy nose and sleeping most of the day. I think I used all my energy the last couple of months and, although I don't have to leave the house that much, I think I caught something on the way. Feel a bit like wearing one of the Bedtime stories outfits of Viktor & Rolf. Pillow strapped to my back please!

Changing Berlin for Utrecht doesn't mean moving to a less interesting cultural city. Last week me and my sister went to the Centraal Museum to see an exhibition: The house of Viktor & Rolf. The exhibition showed the highlights of the last 15 years of this amazing Dutch designers duo.

Dolls -specially made- wore miniature versions of their designs with in the background projected original runway material. They basically all looked the same, very simple and plain, only their hair and make-up was altered to match the original models as detailed as possible.

I used to work just around the corner, in the education department of The University Museum Utrecht, my longest employer ever. I think I worked there all together for about 5 years. Weird, time is a funny thing. It sounds like a long time, but is it? Four years ago I left Holland to follow my -ex- boyfriend to Wales. Now 4 years later I have lived in 4 different houses, worked for 4 different employers and have 4 different sim cards. I should feel older, that's what time does to you... Or not? When I think about it... I own less then ever, have a little job and spend most of my time on voluntary project.... feel younger than 5 years ago. Time doesn't equal happiness, but it's happiness and the way I allow myself to give in to 'my own' that determines how old I feel, I look and think.

Once in a while I get the feeling of having skipped something in my life, maybe going too fast or not recognising the good or the bad. It's not always possible, but if it is I try to fill this empty space. Tracking down what it is I'm missing, like checking luggage before going on holiday. Defragmenting my own hard disk to be able to install new software, new relationships.
I probably used to have a higher tempo of living that I didn't recognise happiness, even when it hit me in the face -or perhaps I had the tempo I thought others expected me to have. Now my life, my happiness is mine and nobody can dress me like a doll.

http://www.phoebekreutz.com/music/vikingsong.mp3