Last week I saw myself, not in the mirror but in theatre. I applied for an improvisation theatre training in Serbia and got accepted, not sure why they let a Dutch girl represent Romania, but I’m positive that they didn’t have the slightest idea what they were getting themselves into. It was a seven days training in the small village of Kovačica, about an hour away from Belgrade. Travelled by train from Bucharest to Belgrade, takes 12 hours, and got this travel goody bag; slippers, a little towel, soap and one of those horribly smelling dis invective tissues.
The theme of the training was about how to use improvisation theatre to prevent unemployment. Interesting…. that’s also what I thought....
As entering and leaving a place or group had became a well oiled routine in my life, I thought I knew what to expect. Always on the safety hook I entered the group. I was still busy with thinking about the projects I needed to finish back in Bucharest and taking care of my Pandas, the fuckers. I wasn’t really there till I was put in the spot of no return...
During one exercise we needed to play with changing of status, I wanted to play it save and got on stage with in my head the role of a neutral character... but the an other actors decided I was the bad boyfriend with a very high status. Ehhh.... But within a split second I completely went for it, opened my draw of memories of asshole boyfriends and copied their behaviour without a single thought. When we changed status my 'stage girlfriend' showed me that she could do without me and I had to except it. It was great improvisation, and even more important: I left all my bad experiences in it. I sort of said goodbye to my negative feelings I had with men. My trainer did wonder if I hate men, hahaha..NO!
From that moment on I discovered the power of improvisation, the things you can put on stage from your own experience without other people knowing it. The group was very safe and friendly and -quite important- they didn’t know me. Find it easier to be open and perform for and with strangers. One of the rules of impro is: Dare to take a risk…maybe it's my time to take a risks. You might think I already do, but sorry... you’re wrong! Yeah… I move around and change hairstyle, job and county before I can properly remember my address, but it’s time for me to take another kind of risk. The risk of choosing; my EVS time in Romania is almost finished, what will I do? What does my heart say…settle down? Which direction to go into? Country, project…life? I need and will choose. Soon.
Something else…but not really. This training also made realize and decided I have to take the risk of loving. We did an exercise in which we needed to send love to someone on the other side of the room without speaking…It surprised me how much love I could give, how much I trapped inside and how difficult I could unleash it. Finally I did it, and it was great! Obviously shits scared it’s unwanted and will end up hurting me I decided that I’m also going to give it a chance in real life, not the least the love for myself.
The group we worked in was a very multicultural group; Serbians, Bosnians, Macedonians, Polish, Swedish, Albanians, Italians, Portuguese. It was sort of magical because it felt like we lived in our own temporary county. The hotel we stayed was amazing: bungalows with pool, gym and a great restaurant. Life is hard!
I’d never been to any former Yugoslavian country and the image of war was still very present in my mind, had no idea what to expect. The media put this image in my head about what happened, but who decides what's true? It’s funny to realize that I’m still ignorant. Of course the war left its traces behind, but things changed. After the Yugoslavia tribunal the Balkans left a big question mark in my head….which countries are there now? How are they being ruled? Are the ‘bad guys’ gone? Is it safe? To be honest didn’t find the answers back then and just put my questions in the box of “Things I want to find out, but not right now”. This was a long time ago, but the horrible images of back then stayed in my head. I must be true, on my journey to Serbia the war crimes and ethnic conflicts of back then wondered around in my mind. Actually no better place to have an intercultural training. We exchanges a lot of stories and feelings over diners en drinks, so different but although so similar..
Also visited the museum of Naive art in Kovačica, besides our home for a week the birthplace of Zuzana Chalupová…. my new idol and inspiration. She shows that you don’t have to have to be trained in an academy or other traditional manner to create great work. Her devotion and childlike images made me smile and opened my eyes in accepting I don’t have to go the usual route to create wonderful things. I can do it too! I am doing it, but now dare to say it.
That brings me back to the aim of the training, confidence is the most important skill young people should develop. Theatre -and especially improvisation, that can be done by anyone- helps to develop this sense of belief in your own skills and therefore is an inspiration to be active in finding your path, your work and your way of living. It worked for me, and I can't wait to inspire others. Next chapter soon.
Don't forget to play with your food.
Love, Judith
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